:|>>>>

"Once again a hotch potch post written in a high state of agitation and disturbance. I am just so confused about arranged marriages (ya, I know confusion is my default state, but still). Apart from the usual blah blah of not knowing the person well enough in arranged marriages etc etc, they just do not feel right, I just don’t feel good about going in for an arranged marriage coz I feel it violates the individual in me, Its like that, the environment becoming stronger than the individuals and people dissolving in their surroundings. I pisses me off that the guy whom I might marry will not know a thousand things about me before committing himself to me, and even after marriage he wont know atleast 200 that shape me, I might hide them perpetually. He will be married more to my environment and everything vice versa. This feeling of something not being right is much more stronger for me than the scare I feel about marriage itself. Ya Ya I know that I can actually know him well before actually getting married, but will both of us be that forthright, that truthful about ourself? I know I’ll act good, I know I’ll show that I am a better person than I actually am.Actually putting it in a very B-schoolish style, there are 3 things that should click in a person for marriage : 1. It’s the person he truly is, his thoughts, you know, the connection that two people develop because of their intrinsic natures. 2. The wrapper characteristics : Looks, family, income, etc etc 3. The meanest, scariest, the society. In a love marriage the first one has the highest importance, with the other two following in the order, while the sequence reverses in an arranged marriage. I hate the society having the most importance, I don’t want to live for the so called society, ewweeee, Its wrong, Its collective will crushing an individual., And I know I suddenly sound like Ayn Rand, but Its just not acceptable, it questions my individuality. Lot more to crib about, but later. Should I change my blog name to the crib-o-junction, I think that will suit it more…. " written sometime in mid may

Its July, a lot has changed, some of my perceptions about arranged marriages have changed too. They are like taking  a lottery on life, you might hit a jackpot or make a jack ass of yourself for forever. But the order remains - society, wrapper and then individual. And the expectations are huge... and whatever the modern indian male pretend to be, he hasn't changed, he is still his mamma's boy.

a new song...

Some where some happy, hopeful soul is playing "jaane kyun dil jaanta hai, tu hai to i'll be alright.." the best place at this time is my balcony, listen to songs played by someone else, when you have no control on the songs being played, giving up and enyoting the moment,  atleast i wont play jagjeet singh... probably thats the way you should be at times, just give up and let life take you with itself. i cant control my life 100 % and probably what it plays for me at times is best and better than  what i would play for myself. Some other song which is equally good, maybe better than what i would play for myself, a happy song, not the sad one, not a song with lost hopes, or unrealised dreams. Its difficult to forget some tunes, they go too deep, but its always possible to fall in love with new ones, slowly, totally. It will take time to understand and appreciate the lyrics, to absorb the tune, but it will happen...its happening...