Jaane kya chaahe mann baawra....

Jaane kya chahe mann baawra....I just hope i am able to figure out what i want, in every aspect of my life. People who have what they want or who are working towards the goals in their life, who are doing what gives them happiness are no doubt lucky, but even people who just know what they want are also lucky. 

If a person is able to figure this out in their lives, i guess he is successful enough. I always imagine, life would be so much more simple after that, you know what you want, work for it get it live happily, otherwise lve happily just working for it. 

Here i am, so confused about each and everything in life, i really dont know where life is taking me, if i want to go there and what will i find on the way. I want to take control of my life, say with confidence, yes, this is the decision i took for myself and i am happy i did it.

 

But no, yours truly is as clueless about her life as she is about , about Betelgeuse. And the problem doesnt end here, i am confused not only about my professional aspirations, i am equally confused about the decisions i should take in my personal life as well. This makes the situation worst, and is driving me mad these days. 

I need career counseling, i need a psychologist and i need solace.

Failure

Ok, one of the myths associated with be, and one of my belief shattered. Well, this is not the first time this happened, it happened once before also, but that was about 5 years back, and since then, coz most things turned out the way I wanted them to be, that myth reinstalled itself in me. And it is that I can get any damn thing I set my mind too. And this time I lost that one dream that I had seen and nurtured since, since I don't even remember since when. I did not get recommended for Air force SSB.

I have 2-3 big defeats and failures to my credit. The second one after this is my failure to qualify in IIT. I think that I really begin to loose focus towards the end of the journey, I become casual, and when the time was there to put that extra effort, I wasted it.

Its like that quote " On the plains of hesitation lie the blackened bones of countless millions who, at the dawn of victory, sat down to rest... and resting, died." (googled up for the exact thing).

Oh, and there is another, I always fail in love, i failed every time i tried before, and now this one, of which i was sure that its meant to be, is also going. I am giving last big fight for it, to save it, to not fail this time.