EoT - 4

Time for the customary end of term blog. So term 4 also ended. I feel i am only writing end of term blogs, why is time flying by so fast!!

But first about this term, the term somehow ended even before starting properly. There wasnt much load, werent many classes, classes were so dispersed that i never felt bogged down by them, except for the tiring ERC classes which forced me into a brain dead state.

I cant think of anything that happened over the term, which is worth mentioning. I witnessed a self fulfilling prophecy about myself, but later it just became an illusion when I messed up CB. Some good friends wont be here for next term, which is kinda sad.

: I dont have anything to write about this stupid term.

Learnings: academic - none

personal - friends are great, too much friendship is bad, no friends is even worst, forced friends are worst than even worst.

Update: I learnt to solve Rubic's Cube :)

:|>>>>

"Once again a hotch potch post written in a high state of agitation and disturbance. I am just so confused about arranged marriages (ya, I know confusion is my default state, but still). Apart from the usual blah blah of not knowing the person well enough in arranged marriages etc etc, they just do not feel right, I just don’t feel good about going in for an arranged marriage coz I feel it violates the individual in me, Its like that, the environment becoming stronger than the individuals and people dissolving in their surroundings. I pisses me off that the guy whom I might marry will not know a thousand things about me before committing himself to me, and even after marriage he wont know atleast 200 that shape me, I might hide them perpetually. He will be married more to my environment and everything vice versa. This feeling of something not being right is much more stronger for me than the scare I feel about marriage itself. Ya Ya I know that I can actually know him well before actually getting married, but will both of us be that forthright, that truthful about ourself? I know I’ll act good, I know I’ll show that I am a better person than I actually am.Actually putting it in a very B-schoolish style, there are 3 things that should click in a person for marriage : 1. It’s the person he truly is, his thoughts, you know, the connection that two people develop because of their intrinsic natures. 2. The wrapper characteristics : Looks, family, income, etc etc 3. The meanest, scariest, the society. In a love marriage the first one has the highest importance, with the other two following in the order, while the sequence reverses in an arranged marriage. I hate the society having the most importance, I don’t want to live for the so called society, ewweeee, Its wrong, Its collective will crushing an individual., And I know I suddenly sound like Ayn Rand, but Its just not acceptable, it questions my individuality. Lot more to crib about, but later. Should I change my blog name to the crib-o-junction, I think that will suit it more…. " written sometime in mid may

Its July, a lot has changed, some of my perceptions about arranged marriages have changed too. They are like taking  a lottery on life, you might hit a jackpot or make a jack ass of yourself for forever. But the order remains - society, wrapper and then individual. And the expectations are huge... and whatever the modern indian male pretend to be, he hasn't changed, he is still his mamma's boy.

a new song...

Some where some happy, hopeful soul is playing "jaane kyun dil jaanta hai, tu hai to i'll be alright.." the best place at this time is my balcony, listen to songs played by someone else, when you have no control on the songs being played, giving up and enyoting the moment,  atleast i wont play jagjeet singh... probably thats the way you should be at times, just give up and let life take you with itself. i cant control my life 100 % and probably what it plays for me at times is best and better than  what i would play for myself. Some other song which is equally good, maybe better than what i would play for myself, a happy song, not the sad one, not a song with lost hopes, or unrealised dreams. Its difficult to forget some tunes, they go too deep, but its always possible to fall in love with new ones, slowly, totally. It will take time to understand and appreciate the lyrics, to absorb the tune, but it will happen...its happening...

music or scream??

This is a post written without any kind of background or reality check, its just what i feel and assume, probably i am being overly sentimental here or its a purely sadistic view point to see sadness and pain, whatever it is, i don't know, i am confused  [:) this smiley is for one person who might stumble here in a few days]

Hmm, so let me not take so much footage, actually teh issue is about the live music concept in restaurants and hotels and now becoming the style and class statement in malls also.

First, I think there has to be a culture to appreciate live music, which comes not just by having those musicians singing in your restuarants. The patrons/guests should be receptive and responsive to this. Live music as an intrinsic part and element in the place can be quite attractive, but the same being played as a background score just does not justify having it. 

It pains to see those people singing song after song, plying tune after tune to which no one is paying attention...I feel ashamed in their presence, i just dont understand why as it other people's self absorbed behavior is my fault, anyways, its not that i do anything. 

I feel that the people who are playing/singing were most probably aspiring singers who had dreamt of being someone successful in the field of music, but probably they were not able to, and now they are forced to use their art, their passion and display it to people who just dont care. We are not concerned if its some one singing continuously for 3-4 hours or is its a music player. Not only their dreams were not realised but they are forced to live with the realisation of this everyday.

Whenever i see any such performer, he somehow seems no-so-happy to me, maybe its my perception, or maybe they are genuinely not very happy, I cant say. Anyways, i sincerely hope that it is not so sad and there is a better story behind it. 

:D

Looking at the sad sorry and crib -o-junction state of my blog, i have decided to write something, anything happy here. And so i try to think of a happy memory, its like Harry Potter trying to produce a Patronous, and thinking about the best/beautiful/happy and lovable things of life.

 Well, ya, i can think of hundreds now, and am sure I would have produced a Patronous to chase away many dementors if i was Harry, that is. 

Hey, but in effect that has happened, the dementors bugging me are far away now, and I feel so much better, you know, life will be good, nuthing is so bad :). And this just raises my love for Harry Potter Series up by 2 notches. Next revision is scheduled for very soon :D

random thoughts.

This is my 50th blog here, yippppeeee, yeyyy, ok ok, i am not keeping counts or expecting to celebrate my blog's golden jubilee like i celebrated my silver one...

I wanted to write about so many things, so this will be a hotch potch post, with random references to random events of my life, so kindly bear with me.

1. Its absolutely pathetic to travel by public transport in Delhi, and for that matter the entire UP too. First, no one is ready to leave the ladies reserved seats, the conductor is not at all concerned about these issues and complaining does not help, the system is a little stupid with ladies seat on one side of the aisle instead of all at the front which is more sensible thing to do.

I fought with a lawyer who refused to leave seat for a pregnant lady, who was standing for about an hr. :

2. The election election and caste your vote which everyone keep shouting is such nonsense. I think that at least 20% of young, working population of india is not even living in the places where they have been issued voter ID cards. How the hell are we supposed to go and vote?

An online or distant voting system would bring in more results than spending money on loads of advertising and awareness programs.

3. The rickshaw waalas charge almost as much as a taxi in Gurgaon.

4. Half of the people i interact with have lost contact with the normal real life. We are the breed that spends 24 hrs in ac, have dinners parties/blow up thousands for a single dinner, shop in exorbitantly priced malls, and haggle with the rickshaw waalas for 5rs.

5. In life it actually does not matter from where you started, where you are going and how you are traveling is more important. This is for the very helpful person i met today and which made my day.

6. Sometimes i have loads to write and i am almost bursting with thoughts, but wen i actually start to type, i feel blank.

7. Arranged marriage is one fucking, pain in the ass thing to go through. The losers who were not even capable of getting a girl friend suddenly have more attitude, taste class and demands than Hritik Roshan.

8. Love is a very weak emotion, it cannot survive by itself. its a creeeper which needs the support of emotions like courage, faith and confidence.

And yes, the ego has to go, like a great person said "mutual surrender of ego".

9. I thought of writing something light, but lots of cribbing these days. :

10. Am totally bored. Wanna go back to K.

Cheers to Cheer Leaders

"Amar singh is giving a speech in the forgotton small town Rampur"...tell me how many people will go and attend it voluntarily. Now say "Amitabh Bachchan is coming to Rampur in a speech by Amar Singh" Now imagine the scene at the grounds.

A small movie is being produced with an unknown sexy heroine and equally unknown and not-at-all handsome hero....total flop material, but it has a item number with Mallika Sherawat...the producer is at least assured of getting his money back.

As a country we accept all this, we are quite comfortable with a hero attending political meeting to gather crowd, which is a matter of importance for the country, we are comfortable with nudity (in a cheap movie, in a song, at least to some extent to satisfy the masses) but we snigger at the cheer-leaders in the cricket matches.

The young, hep modern crowd of India is also so hypocritical. People enjoy looking at them, but never refrain from criticizing the concept of having them on cricket grounds. Hey, they are just like you, people who went in there to cheer their team, just that their way is professional and they get paid for it

Is the reason for us not respecting them the fact that they represent a concept completely foreign to India? We have enough examples of doing/aping the west but not accepting it, or accepting it in a manner of guilty pleasure. 

They are just cheering the team they stand for, cheer leading requires hell lot of work, practice and discipline on the part of those girls. We don't respect their art, rather we never look at it as an art, all we see is the scantily clad girls. We have a long way to go before we can see and perceive the real issue rather than grapple with insignificant details, and this applies to things ranging from cheerleading to moral-policing to Ram-temple in our society. 

The media ridicules them, people crack dirty jokes on them on national television, the radio-broadcasters make snide remarks at those girls and the whole country laughs. again the role of media and public morality comes to question.

I have absolutely no idea about the life those girls have, if its comfortable, if they are being treated respectfully or not, but it requires courage and hard work to do this work and I am very ashamed that my country is treating them this way. 

Trendy Indians

Ya we are a country of followers, of adopters and a country that goes with trend. Don’t believe me, just look at the way we adopted the “juta pheko syndrome” every  Ramesh Suresh and Dinesh here is ready with his shoe. And why not, when we are given an instant celebrity status, grants and prices from opposition party  and the only thing that’s Not given is punishment.  The result? here we have 2 billion people ready with with broken chappals, to throw at our esteemed netas.

 I am not a fan of Indian Politicians ,but just what does these incidents say about us as a society? India the land of  religion, respect and democracy has people inclined to do such acts. Is this the only channel left for the expression of our discontent. And does the media attention given to these incidents warranted from any angle. The breaking news that we get and the utter indifference in terms of the moral/social implications shown towards the event should also be noted. Only the selling value is what the media  cares for. Can noone see that the reinforcements for these actions come from how the society reacts towards them. When we see only the news and no critisism of these events on any public forums what does a person looking for cheap publicity a little fun and some anger do? Also the way the other parties react towards these incidents and no legal action ..

And I left this mid-way and have no inclination to write any thing more. But leaving all this aside, nowadays when i watch news I do thank God that I am born in India and not in Pakistan, Afghanistan etc. 

I am totally horrified at what is happening in Swat and Taliban. It requires an article with some more thought, and with a hectic weekend plan in about 5 hrs, its difficult to write. So, will try to do so later. BTW the keyword is try.

Anyways I recieved a really wonderful gift on my birthday, kinda made my day. Recieved one last night too, that laid a good foundation. Thankyou God for everyone in my life, I am happy and thankful for all I have. :)

End of term 3

Leaving IIM-K for 2 months - sad sad sad.

So what is it about life in IIMK that attracts me most, I guess its just the friends I found here, the wonderful incredible people here, talented, atleast in showing off J

I forgot to write that this is my blog on the journey back in the third term. But this time written offline, in a train journey, reason- I read Mr. Harshad Karandikar’s blog and decided somewhat taken by the simplicity and romanticism of the idea of travelling in train, spending time with myself, sleep, read a book ad just enjoy the journey :D

While carrying my luggage all around Bangalore city, and at the thought of again hauling it across in Delhi railway station, I was internally kicking yslef at this stupidy, but once the train started all of these thoughts vanished and I must say, I my life I really miss this quietly spending time with myself. Though it’s an entirelt different matter that too much of spending time with mysef, only makes me think of sad things.

I have seriousy started thinking about marketing as a career choice, I don’t wanna suck at everything I do, I wana be good and have confidence about it all.

Nuthn much, great term, new awsome ppl, some good work (from my standards) lots of trips, juices and fultu masti.

stop stop

Wow...where did the whole last month go???

All i can remember are the two weekends i spent with my sister and one with all freinds from K. The mid sems whizzed by and so did all the days, wrapped in quizzes and assignments.

The coming weeks promise no less, loads of quizzes and assignments and projects lined up for the next two weeks. :|

Oh yes, i remember one more thing, a feeling of sadness and dread that i have been feeling for sometime. It started with the preparations for the farewell to seniors, got exaggerated when their last exam got over and though, i hardly talk to any senior around i am sad that they will be leaving. Probably i am more saddened by the fact that this also marks the ending of our one year here and the speed with which it got over makes me more and more aware of the fact that the next one will also zoom by and then these wonderful days will come to an end. 

It will be sad.

Next year i will be wondering in the same manner, where did the last one year go? and come to think of it, i am wondering the same thing now...:|

I know that most people at this time would laugh if i tell them this, and will probably count a hundred reasons why this place is bad, but i know everyone will miss this stupid, irritating, gossip monger, hell of a place :D

Freeing myself from few old ties lead me to know many other interesting good people, which i might have not have talked to, had this not happened. I am enjoying life as its coming. Probably life is just repeating one of its basic lessons for a dumb student like me, who just doesn't learn it. Actually i learn it, but wen it comes to certain people, i am not able to apply it, or maybe i can, sometime and then i don't know, let me not get into that discussion.

I want to write, but i just can't create that magic with words, i am completely in awe with people who play with words and churn out such wonderful works...

Maybe someday God will make me creative :D

Someday.......

Jaane kya chaahe mann baawra....

Jaane kya chahe mann baawra....I just hope i am able to figure out what i want, in every aspect of my life. People who have what they want or who are working towards the goals in their life, who are doing what gives them happiness are no doubt lucky, but even people who just know what they want are also lucky. 

If a person is able to figure this out in their lives, i guess he is successful enough. I always imagine, life would be so much more simple after that, you know what you want, work for it get it live happily, otherwise lve happily just working for it. 

Here i am, so confused about each and everything in life, i really dont know where life is taking me, if i want to go there and what will i find on the way. I want to take control of my life, say with confidence, yes, this is the decision i took for myself and i am happy i did it.

 

But no, yours truly is as clueless about her life as she is about , about Betelgeuse. And the problem doesnt end here, i am confused not only about my professional aspirations, i am equally confused about the decisions i should take in my personal life as well. This makes the situation worst, and is driving me mad these days. 

I need career counseling, i need a psychologist and i need solace.

My movie My glory

New Year came, and with it began the new term.

Sangram followed in the first week of the term and history was created at IIMK campus, wen for the first time K defeated IIMB, which incidentally they didn't accept and made Sangram 2009 a Maha Sangram. 

Come Monday 12/01/09 and the news is that Slumdog Millionaire won 4 golden Globes including the best OST by ARRehman. The whole country is celebrated like its their win, and the news channels are raving about the movie as if it was their home productions.

We Indians have this interesting habit of basking in the glory of anything remotely connected to India, be it be Deepa Mehta's 'Water' or this one. She was not even allowed to shoot the movie in India, but wen the movie got nominated for Oscar, it suddenly became an Indian film.

 Slumdog has nothing important that is Indian apart from the music which has been recognized already with ARR. The movie is based on a novel by an Indian Author Vikas Swarup, but a novel is not a movie. The award winning screenplay is by Simon Beaufoy who is a British screenplay writer and Danny Boyle the director is also English. It is essentially an Englishman's movie and presence of Indian actors doesn't make it a indian movie just like RDB is indian and Lagaan is indian. 

I think we should not behave pathetic and try and get a chunk out of other people's glory, coming up with some good work of our own and then celebrating and cherishing it is a better thing to do.

Term 2 officially over.

So another term over and time for another post from the airport free internet connection :D

Quite efficent indeed considering the fact that its my second post in 3 months :P

Hm, so about the three months that whizzed past in K.

The term started with the scary and competitive smmers preocess, in which yours truly truly aced, did not get a placement in  the entire process and had to be placed by placecom in one of the board companies.

But a definite learning was ... say you did 10 wen you did only 1, project as if you know 100 wen you know 1...have lots of over confidance, and most importantly and seriously know yourself, know what you want, what you aare good at, and have an opinion, and dont be afarid to flaunt it :)

Ok, i dont think  i learned anything more in the term :)

Well a few courses were good, and few others were really f**ked up thanks to the really good faculty iimk has.

What else?? yeah..unrequited love sucks, for both people involved. 

Instructions to self:

Be happy, be busy and love what you do.

The Underrated Profession

Sitting in a class of PGP program participants, where half the people are completely tuned out of the class, a mobile is ringing somewhere, some like me are working/chatting on laptaops and the rest are sleeping, i just wonder why is this that a whole class behaves like this towards a professor. What can be the reason? Is there no one in the entire class who is interested in OR? Does the teacher not know anything? No, none of them are true...i have seen the same happening in the classes by most accomplished professors.

So great knowledge doesnt make a good teacher. A researcher or a scientist is not a good teacher.

Ofcourse knowlege is important. I think the students very intutively understand the Knowlege level of a teacher in first few classes only. And a teacher is instantly rejected if he underperforms.

What else, I think another reason is respect of students, a teacher who cannot appreciate the intellect of his students will be instantly rejected by the students. Treating the students with respect and valuing their opinion goes a long way.

Third factor i think is connecting with students, how can a teacher connect with students to make them comfortable enough to come up with their problems, have a healthy interaction and still maintain the respect and authority of a teacher.

Forth, is again, students are not foolish, they do not want to learn stuff that they do not think is relevant/ useful to them. There is well,little a teacher can do as the course is not designed by them..but how the subject is presented goes a long way in sustaining student interest.

Lastly it is a major myth that quite, introvert, shy, innocent and studious kind of people make good teachers.  A teacher has to be as world-smart as his students, after all he has to match his wits with them and not only for  teaching them but also managing them and understanding their tricks.

In the end, i think that teaching is the most underrated profession here. Teaching is very difficult and being a good teacher demands so much from an individual.  There are hardly any good teachers nowadays, partly because teachers have lost value in society and partly because of the low compensations. 

Anyway the class is almost over and happy that the torture is over :|

 

1/6 of an MBA

Term 1 officially ended yesterday, yepppii...i cant believe it either, where did the time go?? we came a  few days back only na...the few days are now 3 months,. the time flew in a blink, well wen you harly sleep in the whole term, then everthing will look like a blink only the. I think the amount of sleep i have had in the last three months is equivalent to my normal sleep of one month. Now i know why time passes slowly wen you travel with  the speed of light :) Its  been three months outside K,but for my body, only 1. ok, lets cut this crap...in terms of 'learnings' ... mmm, how to sleep in class, how how to bull shit in exams, how to bullshit anywhere any time on any topic, the guts to watch movies on the eve of end sems ( 2 exams- full curse books in sllybuss) wen you don't even know the name of chapters and other such cognitive learnings :) 

I must say its not only about studying or doing MBa, its also a way of life that we learn here... I love it, but needa work a lot harder. they talk about cut throat competition, here my throat is already bleeding, and i gotta improve before i am beheaded. 

but just now...i am on my way back home...and yipppeeee

Haah...ok, so it takes me a whole one month to return to this blog, that too wen i have a class in about 10 mins. Anyways, we are fully settled in the way of life, that is K. 

Lots os stuff going on besides the usual classes. Committes, IG's, Scope, ibok, and what not. The work never seems to end, but when there is none, it feels like there is something missing. We are now like, ok! how much can you give, lets see :)

The lyrics of Khalbali seem apt here...

Hone hone do nasha, khone khone ko hai kya

hai ye to ek Jashn, abhi thirakne de kadam

Abhi saanso mein hai dum, abhi chalne de sitam.

Went to beach and Kadavu resort yesterday after a nightout of watching movies, yeah...i talk fo work and all this in one go, but that the way like is here. 

And people my God!!, everyone is a masterpiece :D

hey gott go....will post pics soon and will try to update this place before graduating.

Roll on

Days roll on here, running between assignments, presentations, and classes we now atleast are experts of sleeping between classes and each one of us can vouch on the utility of power naps :)

Well, sleep deprived zombies need atleast something.

Courses, well are usual, statistics, marketing, QM, economics.  The point of difference, I believe is the course in STI, i.e. Social Transformation in India; The course is taken by Professor Matthew and its absolutely delightful 75 mins class that I attend here. probably delightful should not be the word as it deals with some of the most horrifying, hypocratic human behavior. Its a thought provoking class and i think that leaving unanswered loose ends for people to decide for themselves is the best way to take it. 

Talking about gender differences in society today actually made me realise i am living here, and such subtle oppression is all around me engulfing and burdening me and i am so used to it that i take it as a way of life now. Conditioned that way, is the answer i think.

I would love to read some of the stuff he talks about, am just trying to find it. What irritates me is the stupid behavior of the guys in class, but Zubin says thats my perception (after the OB class) :)

This blog is to be an informal chronicle of times at K. I have started this blog on a Friday night at 2:30 in the morning which is technically a Saturday. Now after having taken the plunge i wonder where and how will i get time to actually post something here?? I dont really want this to be a 3 entry blog and empty thereafter. Afetr getting 4 hour of average sleep in last 1 week, i am now ready to just sleep. And yes, did i tell you i got free early today, its just 2:30 am now. I feel too tired to write much now, but let me say that this is am awesome place and a dream land, once you are here we forget that there is a world out side, that other ppl are also there on planet earth. 

 

Failure

Ok, one of the myths associated with be, and one of my belief shattered. Well, this is not the first time this happened, it happened once before also, but that was about 5 years back, and since then, coz most things turned out the way I wanted them to be, that myth reinstalled itself in me. And it is that I can get any damn thing I set my mind too. And this time I lost that one dream that I had seen and nurtured since, since I don't even remember since when. I did not get recommended for Air force SSB.

I have 2-3 big defeats and failures to my credit. The second one after this is my failure to qualify in IIT. I think that I really begin to loose focus towards the end of the journey, I become casual, and when the time was there to put that extra effort, I wasted it.

Its like that quote " On the plains of hesitation lie the blackened bones of countless millions who, at the dawn of victory, sat down to rest... and resting, died." (googled up for the exact thing).

Oh, and there is another, I always fail in love, i failed every time i tried before, and now this one, of which i was sure that its meant to be, is also going. I am giving last big fight for it, to save it, to not fail this time.

Start Anew

Hah..a new beginning again....lets see where life takes me this time. I am fervently hoping that changing my blog address is not reflected to people who were following it through my previous address, please Google God, please. I really don't want them to read everything of my life. But what the hell,, let them be. Why should I care??

Lots to write but maybe some other time...have got a lot to do just now.

Will try to follow up soon, till then Ciao.